Lessons In Seriously Changing: Part 1

I have been learning a lot about myself. And that is why I haven’t been writing much.

To be honest, I kind of wrinkle my nose at bloggers who are always apologizing for not writing enough. Now I see, they do this because blogging is a relationship, between me and you. And like most good relationships, occasionally you have to explain why you have been cranky with the other person and clear the air.

You probably know, I’m trying to change my life, start a business, provide for my family, live my dreams… yada yada yada.

Thinking about this is nice. Panicking because you haven’t done it yet, even, is nice. But actually doing it requires digging up and confronting some serious shit.

Over the next few days, I’m going to be posting a series on the lessons I’ve learned in the process.

You have to get rid of the old couch.

Getting the new thing in your life without getting rid of the old stuff is like buying a beautiful new couch and stacking it in your tiny living room atop your old stained, stinky couch. And then telling your family they have to scale the couch mountain like pirates in a gale to watch TV.

People say this a lot. You have to clean out the old to make room for the new.

This is obvious when it involves couches. Sometimes you have to clean out your house, empty your bookshelves, clear your schedule for something new to come in your life.

But it’s harder when it’s emotions and thought patterns you have to clear out.

You kind of know – that you have this way of doing things, this situation that keeps repeating over and over in your life – in the same way victims in horror movies kind of know that the killer is hiding in the bathroom.

But no one wants to admit it to themselves, and no one wants to get a baseball bat and go looking for the killer in the bathroom. At least it’s pretty rare.

If you really want to change your life, you have to go looking for the monsters lurking in your psyche.

The things you hate are reflections of you.

Hate and annoyance are great indicators of where your inner demons are hiding.

That’s because there are about a billion people who could experience the exact same thing as you, and not bat an eye at it. They wouldn’t care, or they would leave, or adjust the situation and it would all be dandy.

But you just sit there being mad, or sad, or confused. That is because it is an issue for you. It is a problem you haven’t figured out yet.

It’s not a one to one correspondence – you don’t hate tailgaters because you tailgate, or dirty dishes because you leave out yours – but the reason it bugs you has to do with you. You have to learn something from it.

I, for example, hate the whininess of not working.

But here I am, barely bringing in money as I start my business.

Is it because I’m whining too much to start a business? Maybe. But mentally abusing myself for it doesn’t help.

It’s true that I would much rather write than act. I write to figure out what I think and how I feel.

To be honest, confusion and uncertainty are my excuses. I tell myself I’m working hard, and it will all be better any day now, and I just don’t know what the magical right thing to do is.

But there is no magical right thing, and always thinking about the future blinds me to the present.

The truth is, the ‘whininess of not working’ comes from being disconnected from your truth, from the work you need to do in the world. It comes from not having the confidence to follow what you love and act on what you know is right. It comes from a fear so overpowering you can’t test the waters and learn.

And the cure is a gentle hand, a lot of love, and encouragement to follow your own sense of what is right, even if you fail.

What bothers you in others is a tool for understanding yourself. It requires a lot of compassion, for both yourself and others, to heal.

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  1. Aww fuck, you just hit upon some serious truth here Morgan. Serious goddamn truth . . .

    “Hate and annoyance are great indicators of where your inner demons are hiding.”

    That truth is so damn bright I can barely look at it. It hurts. Because I see it in myself.

    So thank you and curse you. I got some work to do . . .

    Trevor recently posted…How to Avoid the “What If” Train WreckMy Profile

    • Morgan Alverson says:

      Yeah I know how you feel. It’s always the one’s that you are working on yourself that are the best to write about and the hardest to do something about. I’ll take that cursing as a very high compliment, Trevor.

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